I have lived in this up north state for 3 very long years now. When I first moved here all I could think about was "going home" to Texas... Now Colorado is my home (though can a friendless place be a home?), and I want to stay here... Humans are odd beings.
I find the tranquillity I need to get through in my horses. They do not care that I do not dress like an average teen (but I am not a teen), and that I do not have a cell phone, and they do not notice that I am shy. They do not care if my hair looks bad, and they love me for taking care of them, and offering my love to them. I try to have friends here, but they never call... so I go see my horses. Flag couldn't care less if I talk to him, but Cassia looks over the fence at me. She comes to see me. She loves to be talked to, and even enjoys working, or maybe to her it is not work, maybe it is more like doing something fun... Something other than just sitting in the pasture eating grass...
*sigh* I feel lonely, even with the horses. My family takes great care of me, and they are my friends... but they have to play a double roll as family and friends... I am sorry for that, and I wish they could know that I do not want to place and more pressure on them than I already do. I thought I found a good trainer, which I did. She is English, and has already taught me a lot, but there is no compainionship out there for me. There are people that have been together for 12 years, and they do not want another friend, so I get the cold shoulder and have to spend time with my horse while I am over there so as not to make these people put up with me... Man, all I do is get in the way... Or, something.
Over and out.
I find the tranquillity I need to get through in my horses. They do not care that I do not dress like an average teen (but I am not a teen), and that I do not have a cell phone, and they do not notice that I am shy. They do not care if my hair looks bad, and they love me for taking care of them, and offering my love to them. I try to have friends here, but they never call... so I go see my horses. Flag couldn't care less if I talk to him, but Cassia looks over the fence at me. She comes to see me. She loves to be talked to, and even enjoys working, or maybe to her it is not work, maybe it is more like doing something fun... Something other than just sitting in the pasture eating grass...
*sigh* I feel lonely, even with the horses. My family takes great care of me, and they are my friends... but they have to play a double roll as family and friends... I am sorry for that, and I wish they could know that I do not want to place and more pressure on them than I already do. I thought I found a good trainer, which I did. She is English, and has already taught me a lot, but there is no compainionship out there for me. There are people that have been together for 12 years, and they do not want another friend, so I get the cold shoulder and have to spend time with my horse while I am over there so as not to make these people put up with me... Man, all I do is get in the way... Or, something.
Over and out.
posted by Aidan Crawford | 3:58 PM
1 Comments:
you have really nice hair, though...
You do not get in the way, either, at least not any more than anyone else.
Remember that I am your friend and that I am here for you. I know how it can be to feel friendless, and hope that at least writing about it provided a cathartic release.
*hugs*
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